Personal

I HATE exercising.

I wish I could say that I'm one of those crazy people who love to hit the gym, run for miles and eat all-natural, organic food but then I would be lying through my teeth. This does not mean I don't try to exercise or eat healthier because I do (Lord knows I try to find the discipline and motivation inside me). I do admit that I'm very inconsistent and I drag my feet every step of the way.

I have friends who LOVE going to the gym. They get grumpy and withdrawals when they miss a gym session. I have friends who substitute unhealthy (but oh so yummy) parts of a meal for steamed veggies or something. While I love to tease them, I do stare at them in awe and admiration. I wish I could feel the same passion and fondness of exercise and healthy food like they do.

I almost always need outside help. For example, I was on the tennis team and the track team in high school. Playing a sport I liked was a way to trick my mind into thinking exercising is fun (it didn't always work). I needed coaches that yelled at me, give me motivational speeches and scheduled tough workouts.  I also had great teammates that supported me and made practice fun.

As for food, I LOVE food. I am the bottomless pit in my circle of friends. I am the teeny Asian girl that could probably out eat grown pro football players that are 3x my size. Gluttony is my guilty sin. To make matters worse, I'm not a picky eater. I have equal love for all food (with the exception of a few favorites *coughs* sushi). I don't object to eating healthier meals (as long as they aren't stingy with the spices). What's the point in living if I'm forced to eat cardboard?

I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm 22 years old and I really need to kick some bad habits to the curb. My metabolism is only going to slow down as I get older. When I have kids, I want to be able to have the energy to run after them and play with them. I don't want to be a hypocrite when I try to teach them healthy habits. My body is my temple and I should cherish myself, so I'm turning over a new leaf for myself and my family. 

While I will probably still hate to exercise, I will definitely love the results. 

Personal

I love reading other people's blogs. It drags out old thoughts of mine that I stashed away in the back of my head. When I read Juwon's blog, "What Does A Virgin Look Like?" (http://www.lovelyish.com/708459691/what-does-a-virgin-look-like/), it reminded me of an old high school peer pressure of mine. 

In high school, I was classified as the "good girl". I got good grades, I dressed modestly, I didn't smoke, I didn't drink, I didn't any drugs, I rarely used profanity and I didn't have a reputation of being slut. Not trying to be a goody-goody or anything, those so-called "temptations" just never tempted me and I never understood why it appealed to many people.

When it came to sex, I knew I wasn't ready for it. One: I didn't want to deal with the possible consequences of sex (pregnancy, STDs). Two: I was taught to wait until marriage. Three: while I understood the biological/mechanical aspect of sex, I didn't really know anything else about it. So when everyone around talked about sex and their experiences, my "virgin ears" burned with embarassment as I was shocked (and sometimes, intrigued) about the things they will never teach you in sex education class. My responses usually went something like "Um, what is a _____?", "People actually do that?", "And that's suppose to feel good?" and "That was way more information than I needed to hear".

When people asked me if I was a virgin or not, they weren't surprised to hear that I was. (My responses and lack of sex knowledge kinda gave it away). I think it satisfied them to confirm their assumption. Like in the filing cabinet inside their minds, I belonged in the "good virgin girl" file because I didn't engage in wild, naughty activities. If I had given a different answer, I would've thrown a wrench into the classification system and the world would once again not make any sense.

If the first three reasons of not having sex weren't enough, a fourth reason came about. Four: I felt pressured to stay in the innocent cookie cutter mold other people put me in. I felt that if I did do something "out of character" of me, people would be very unforgiving in their judgment. I felt that they would be more harsh with me than another girl (who people already assumed wasn't a virgin) getting into a scandal. I think some people enjoy finding dirt on people with "squeaky clean images".

But you know.. I never asked to be placed on a pedestal. Because I am human, I don't want to be on one because it's a long fall should I fall from grace. I think it's unfair when people do these kinds of judgment. It's just as unfair for those who are thought to be "sluts or man-whores" because of assumptions people like to make. Who are you to judge? Get to know the person first. Besides, what people do behind close doors is their business alone and no one else's.

Now that I'm married and it's a very happy marriage, people assume that things are going great behind closed doors. Which goes to show you that you can't escape the sex life assumptions even when you're married (I don't think I want to know what people assume when you're old and gray). I say let people think what they want because I'll never kiss and tell.

Personal

Everyone tells me not to worry because I'm smart and a hard worker and would do great in anything I choose to do. Their words of comfort and support means a lot to me and gives me strength and courage. At the same time, it also weighs heavily on me because I don't want my love ones to worry about me or feel disappointed should I fail to meet expectations. I've been so scared to commit. I didn't understand my own heart -- what I truly wanted inside. I've been thinking long and hard this past year on what direction to take.

Now I think I found my answer...

When I retire, I wish to work in a bakery (and possibly own one). I've been practicing making bread and other baked goods from scratch at home. I would work at a bakery now if it weren't for my husband's military career. Since we'll be moving frequently, it may be difficult to find work. So I've decided to take a more practical road and picked a career that would later aid me in my bakery dream.

My hubby and friends sometimes pick on me because I pay meticulous attention to the smallest detail and I'm a lil OCD when it comes to organization. When it comes to salary and bills, I keep record of what comes in and what goes out. I set budgets for my family and your jaw may drop if you saw how specific and detailed my record book is. I like bookkeeping. I think I'll be a natural in accounting so I have chosen my new major as Accounting and Financial Management. I may double it up with Business or keep Business as a minor.

This is so different from my previous major, Nursing. But I choose being with my husband instead of finishing my schooling in the states. Some may disagree with me but I cherish my vows and being at my husband's side and taking care of him is more important than my ambitions. While I am unable to finish nursing in Japan, I can finish my Bachelor's with a different degree. I am at peace with my decision.

I look foward to new challenges. My nursing classes were the toughest classes I have ever taken and I got A's in them. I feel reassured that I'll be able to do just as well in my accounting classes. (I took Accounting in high school and did really good)

Wish me luck!